


Content Doesn't Mean Happy

by Ashcantwrite



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Gen, M/M, Obi-Wan has depression, slight suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:54:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23356528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashcantwrite/pseuds/Ashcantwrite
Summary: Obi-wan feels like a bystander in his own life.
Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi
Comments: 1
Kudos: 122





	Content Doesn't Mean Happy

Obi-wan should be content with how he is. He’s all the bare necessities of living, as well as many people who he cares for and who care for him. He was an excellent Jedi, a decent general, and a wonderful negotiator. He should be content with his life, aside from the war, so why did he feel so useless all the time. 

He was a Jedi, one of the best some would say, yet he felt like nothing more than a bystander in everything. His advice was rarely heard in the council meetings, Anakin never followed any instructions that Obi-wan gave him, the 212th were really the only ones who actually listened to him. Some days he wondered if they only did that because they physically had to, he wondered if given the choice would they all leave him or ignore him. 

Obi-wan loved the 212th, they truly were his family. He had built up a decent friendship with many of them and truly felt like they cared for him as much as he cared for them. Yet on other days, it seemed as if he was putting in all the effort to keep their bond going. He didn’t want it to falter, he didn’t want any of them to hate him, he loved them like family and he wouldn’t stop. Even if they did turn their backs on him, he’d never stop caring for each of them. 

Then there was Cody, dear sweet amazing Cody. Obi-wan loved the commander. Truly, honestly loved him. He gave up on the no attachments rule long before Cody, but falling in love with his wonderful commander made him realize the risks he would have to take to hide it. He loved everything about Cody, from his scar to his odd sense of humor. He was everything to Obi-wan, and he wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his days by his commanders side. Some fateful day, Cody confessed that he felt the same and Obi-wan hadn’t stopped smiling for days. For once in his life, for once during this miserable war, Obi-wan was happy. He was genuinely and honestly happy. He and his dear commander spent their nights together, cuddled close and talking about whatever they wanted. Obi-wan had once asked what Cody’s plans were after the war, he made a comment about maybe not seeing it that far. Which resulted in Obi-wan proclaiming to protect him, and to make sure they both get out of this war together. 

Obi-wan loved Cody. Cody loved Obi-wan. He knew that, he knew everything was mutual, he knew his commander cared for him unlike anything else. Yet, Obi-wan still felt doubt and anxiety fill his thoughts. On lonely nights, his mind caught up to him. He wondered if Cody would ever change his mind, he wondered if Cody had only said something to pity the poor general, he wondered if everyone just pitied him. All he could think was  _ why do I still bother _ . His mind allowed him to be consumed with anxiety, fear, and depression. He was loved by many, but yet he couldn’t feel it. He felt like a bystander in his own life, watching everything rush past him without a second thought. He felt like he was always the one to go the extra mile and make sure those he cared for were okay, and taken care of. He’d often checked with Anakin, Ahsoka, the 212th, and even the 501st, to see how they were holding up mentally during this war. Everyone he asked seemed to appreciate the gesture, so it did some good. But oftentimes, all he wanted was for someone to do the same for him. To ask him if he was alright. Everyone on board the Negotiator thought that Obi-wan had it all together, when in reality he was falling apart faster than Anakin could ‘land’ a ship. 

Obi-wan felt like no one ever really saw him, he even thought Cody didn’t some days. Of course during war times, there’s very little time to ‘stop and smell the flowers’ or in his case, there was no time to have depressive episodes that had you doubting your entire existence. He felt like everything he tried to do either kriffed up massively, or just went unnoticed. 

Some days he felt like putting a blaster in his mouth, or a lightsaber through his heart, seemed like the best way out. Then he realized how much his absence would truly knock the war off balance. He needed to keep going to act as a general for the troops. That was his purpose. To give orders, and let good men die. That’s all anyone wanted out of him. 

He hated being a bystander, he wanted to be heard and seen, he wanted to feel loved and cared for on board his own ship. But none of those things were happening. 

He had to be content with continuing on like this. He had to be content with fighting his mental battles alone. The universe could continue on without Obi-wan Kenobi, but this war needed someone to act as general for the 212th. He had to be okay with that, he would have to learn to accept that fact before it eventually got the best of him. 


End file.
